Coming to grips with Dependence
by Netta Sloan
Summary: mangabased.  Ed has his automail ports finally installed, now he must heal enough to start learning how to use his new limbs.  Directly follows The Last Branding.
1. Prelude: The Last Remnants of Fear

He awoke to a shifting and jerking of sheets accompanied by whispered curses. He took a moment to absorb the pain and let his nightmares be forgotten before he tried moving. He opened his eyes and looked around, relieved to be back in his usual room at the Rockbell House and out of the torture chamber they referred to as the surgical room. Little hands raising his foot caught his attention and he looked down, trying to figure out who was moving him and why. He opened his mouth to speak; to ask Winry what she was doing and where Al is, but the harsh air stopped him. His throat was on fire, sore and burnt, it tasted awful, too. He gagged as he breathed in deeper, a harsh cough aggravating the pain and making his eyes water. He froze in fear as Winry looked up. She cursed at him and quickly left the room. As her blond hair swung out of view in the doorway he promptly burst into tears; causing more pain to shoot through his chest and throat; and fell back asleep.


	2. Chapter 1: A bout of Humiliation

His quick respite back into sleep was short-lived when a wet wash cloth touched his face, causing him to jerk back into wide-awake pain. Fresh tears welled in his eyes as he met Winry's concerned gaze. He watched her face fall as he attempted to croak out her name. "Water?" He nodded yes and she took the cool cloth away. He felt her arm slide under his shoulders and cringed as she inadvertently jostled his sore flesh. When her hand gently ran across the newly-drilled holes in his back he gasped, his vision flickering, accidentally releasing the tears sitting in his eyes. He took his time getting his breath back, appreciating for the first time how patient Winry is. He sagged against her as she lifted him up; his eyes studiously watching the bed come into full view. Shame and embarrassment filled him as he took in the yellow stain drying on the bed. He looked up at Winry as she was positioning the pillows behind his head. He waited for her to catch his eye, heart sinking as she turned away without realizing he wanted her attention. He opened his mouth to attempt calling out to her again when she turned back with a glass of water in her hand. He tried to summon the energy to take it from her, but she beat him to the idea. He leaned in to the hand on the nape of his neck as she helped him drink. He was finally able to find his voice as he drained the last of the glass.

"Win….the bed…." He cringed at the question; both the way it sounded and it's contents. He watched as she shrugged in response, a distinctly uncomfortable feeling rising in his belly.

"No big deal. I didn't think you'd need the tube, but I didn't get up soon enough to catch it. I was hoping you'd sleep through me changing it." The uncomfortable feeling became magnified as Winry explained what happened. He didn't hear her apologize as he looked around the room, trying to spot a bed pan.

"Winry…..I…" he ground his teeth in frustration as his voice failed again, the pain of trying to talk forcing him to swallow convulsively irritating his throat even more. He struggled to sit up completely and move causing Winry to dart closer.

"Ed, stop it!" He glared into her confused eyes, willing her to understand and help him instead of pressing him back against the pillows. The feeling spiked ten-fold as her fingertips grazed his side. He desperately resumed his struggle. His eyes widened in horror as she climbed onto the bed with him, further restraining him, and the first trickle leaked out. He blinked furiously, tears rolling down his cheeks as his bladder escaped him. Winry's hands were on his chest, her big eyes barely an inch from his own and wide with shock at the escaping tears. "Ed?" She questioned, the breath of his name caressing his lips. A moment passed before her eyes drifted down. He closed his eyes as a look of disgust flashed on her face. He held his breath as he waited for her reaction, his lips trembling ever so slightly. A sigh followed by a giggle caused him to open his eyes again. "Good thing I hadn't changed the bed, yet."

He lay back and closed his eyes again, already exhausted and still embarrassed, as she moved around the room. Relief filled him when she didn't immediately go get Granny or Al. _Al _ Thoughts of his brother drifted through his mind. He felt Winry struggling with the sheets and then her voice cut into his consciousness again. "Ed, I'm going to pick you up now. I have to move you to change the sheets." He immediately shook his head no, causing her to pause with her arms halfway around him. "Don't be difficult. Either you let me carry you or I go get Al. Which do you prefer?" He felt his lips begin to pout and bit the bottom one to stop it from showing. He weighed over the dilemma in his mind before the answer abruptly came to him in a memory. He was about 5 or so and Al had wet the bed. He felt more shame fill him as he recalled how he teased his younger brother, how his mother had punished him and soothed Al about it. He looked up into Winry's clear blue eyes and marveled at her understanding as she waited for him to decide. He smiled at her his heart doing flip-flops as her eyes widened in surprise before melting into a smile back at him.

He reached out for her hand, finding it and giving it a squeeze. His heart pounded painfully as her smile widened and she squeezed back. He fought with his pain, pushing it down in his mind as he summoned the will to speak. "Winry….thanks….Al…." He croaked the words, choking down a cough that rose in his chest. He blushed as her fingers moved out of his hand and pressed on his lips. Understanding, he looked at the door and mouthed "Al" again. He felt his blush brighten when she nodded in acceptance, kissed his cheek, and strolled from the room.


	3. Chapter 2: The means to fulfill an oath

He wiped his face and took deep breaths, regaining his composure before his brother and Winry joined him again in the room. He looked on steadily as the pair entered, Winry leading a cautious Al behind her. He winced as she came into the light, the yellow spots on her nightgown glaring at him in the morning sun. He wondered briefly why she hadn't changed first and then dismissed the thought, she'd want to take care of him; he should know that. He smiled at Al's hesitant "Good morning, Brother," before swallowing heavily and attempting to answer.

"Alphonse….." he hesitated, trying to stifle his pride before it could rise up and halt him. "Will you….." the pride was beating him and he broke off, looking down. He heard the armor shift, but didn't look up to see what moved.

"Al, could you go put Ed in the bath? I need to change the sheets and he's heavy for me on my own." He sighed in relief at Winry's matter of fact tone, not fighting as a moment later the cold metal arms encircled him.

"Sure, Winry…um……" He felt himself lifted as Al answered. He forced himself to look into Al's new eyes, waiting to hear the rest of what was being asked.

"Out with it." His brow furrowed in confusion as Al avoided his gaze at her prompting.

"Do you want for me to come and help change the mattress, too?" He buried his face in chagrin as his little brother finally met his gaze again after asking this question. The armor was cool on his forehead and he felt a little measure of relief.

"Nope, that's okay. I had stuff over it just in case something like this happened. It's pretty common." He heard the clanking of nodding in response and squeezed one of the metal spikes on Al's shoulder. The shifting caused by walking sent jolts of pain through him and he pressed his head more against the breastplate, relishing in the coolness of the metal. At the doorway they stopped again.

"Winry?" He heard the rustling of sheets stop and held his breath for Al's next words. "Thank you." He didn't hear an answer as they were moving again. Instead of turning towards the bathroom they usually used, Al headed towards the stairs. He tried to shift around to see where they were going, causing Al to speak up again. "Hold still, Brother. We're going to the downstairs bath. Granny is getting it ready."

Each step down felt like his spine was trying to jolt out of his back. He was breathing heavy and he wasn't doing any of the work. He clung tighter to the spike and ground his teeth, he had to be strong. His face began to feel steamy, his breath marring the shining steel. At the bottom he sighed in relief as Al jostled him around, trying to get a better hold. The big leather gauntlets scraped along his sore leg; he bit his lower lip to keep from yelling. He heard the click of Den's paws and focused on the sound, willing everything else from his mind. He heard the creak of a door opening and the light reflecting off of the metal became unbearable, causing him to squint.

He couldn't help a yelp escaping his lips as he was lightly swung down, his feet dangling from the floor and his upper torso resting back against his brother. His attention was drawn down as the sheet was unwrapped from his body. He squirmed in embarrassment, causing the pain to come back with a vengeance, shooting down his spine until a few tears leaked out of his eyes. Granny ignored them with a serious nod at the tub and he felt nothing but relief as he was gently settled into the warm water. He floated, blissfully oblivious to any fuss around him, as the sharp pains in his body were slightly dulled.

He may have fallen asleep. When he opened his eyes again, Granny was gone and it was just Al; just Al, carefully squeezing a rag over his head so water would run through his hair; just Al, who had yet to tease him about wetting the bed or fuss at him for making a mess on Winry. Words failed him as he looked into the face his brother now had, unsure of what to say. He smiled as Al shrugged and dropped the cloth in the water. Bringing his left hand up, he grasped the leather gauntlet, surprised at the gentle squeeze that greeted the contact. Strengthened by the unspoken acceptance, he found what he wanted to say. He opened his mouth, but then frowned as the door opened.

Winry walked in, her hair down and still dripping on the floor behind her. Spotting the tray of food in her hands he sat up sharply, muscles protesting at the sudden movement. "I thought you might be hungry." He nodded enthusiastically in reply earning a laugh from Al. "Al, do you want to do this?"

"No, that's okay. I'm going to go outside." He quickly used the little rag Al had dropped in the water to cover himself as the two exchanged places, Winry settling the tray across the edges of the tub. She laid a towel on the floor before making herself comfortable on the tile.

She held the spoon of broth to his lips and he slurped it all up, his sore throat hungrily absorbing the heat as it went down. When he had finished the entire bowl and lain back again in the tub she broke the silence. "Ed…." He looked at her as she spoke, confused as to why his gaze made her breath catch but liking the reaction, "Al is outside practicing. He has been ever since you made the decision to get the automail. It scared me at first, his determination to help you and not hold you back. I don't know where it came from." He watched as she paused and took a drink of his water. He didn't quite understand what she was getting at.

"Winry," He hated the hoarse sound of his voice, "What are you trying to say?"

He jerked a little as she leaned over the tub, arms enveloping him in a tight hug. "I'm saying that you can scream, cry, and curse me all you want. But I'm going to push you and you will be recovered in a year just like you promised him." He gulped at how serious she sounded, her arms shaking a little around his shoulders. Unsure of what to do he wrapped his remaining arm around her waist and buried his face in her shoulder.


	4. Chapter 3: A drop of Reality

He grimaced as he watched a drop of blood roll off his shoulder and into the water. He had lost his bladder again as soon as Winry started her idea of "recovery". He closed his eyes as her hands, usually so gentle, pulled more on his sore shoulder, the skin along the seam of metal cracking a little. He yelled out as blisters popped as the plate was moved, his spit landing in her hair. He had called her every curse word he knew and then made up his own. Now he was so tired and hurt, his sore throat back with a vengeance, that he had been reduced to simply yelling.

He hadn't understood at first when she helped him pull boxers on while he was still in the water. It had been when her hand had tickled him on accident that he had lost control again. He was relieved when she pulled the plug and ran a new bath while he was still sitting there. The fresh water swirling around him had felt even better than soaking in the stillness and the heat was a dream. When she was satisfied that it was clean and everything was quiet again, he had been told to raise his right leg up out of the water as high as he could.

It was a lot tougher than he would have expected, his muscles worn out from the surgery just the day before. When he got it as good as it would go and began to lower it, she took hold of him. He cringed as she slowly raised the leg even higher, the muscles protesting, and then the cursing had started when the damaged flesh of his other leg was pulled in response. Tears had welled in her eyes at the harsh names, but she kept on pushing, up until his foot rested close to his head. It hadn't been until she lowered his leg carefully back into the water that his own tears had fallen, tears of relief and muttered apology for what he had said.

Shaking her head, he quickly stopped his apology when she broke in and told him to lift his other leg. Fear coursed through him as he looked into her eyes. He took a deep breath and grabbed the edge of the tub, forcing himself to bite back on the pain that radiated from the simple motion. Sweat poured down his face and he cried, refusing to acknowledge the whine he so desperately wanted to emit. The stump had barely broken the water before he waned, the metal gleaming wetly. She had taken that leg, too, causing him to go pale and see black as she began to pull up again.

He was trembling and panting when she finally let his leg relax. Faint trails of blood floated in the water where his skin had ripped with the forced stretch. For every breath he caught he uttered two curse words as she took a break, letting him recover. He had almost thought she was finished, that now he could call for Al and go back to bed, but then she had touched him again. Stretching his left arm was mostly easy. The pain of sore muscles was secondary to the throbbing and stinging he still felt in his leg.

It was when she grabbed a hold of the newly installed docking ports on his shoulder that he began to panic. New curses horrible enough to make most people faint were shouted from his lips as he tried to get away from her touch. She had stopped then, letting the waves in the bath settle back down before she talked to him. Her voice was soft and her hand was back in his hair as she explained.

"Ed, I have to do this. If Al is training this much, then he must be scared of fighting. You don't want to have to be held back by this, right?" He shook his head and she continued. "Stiff scars will hold you back. By doing this, the socket won't heal as quickly as some other people, but you'll still be able to fight like you used to." He nodded in understanding, tears welling up in his eyes as a few escaped hers. He didn't want to hold Al back, he wanted to fix him.

She sat a minute longer, whether for his sake or her own, he wasn't sure, before she grabbed him again. He grit his teeth and dug his free hand into the material of her shirt as she pulled his shoulder first up, then down, then in towards his chest. After stopping for a second she pushed back on it, the scream finally tearing free from his throat. He bit deeply into his left arm as she continued to pull, his eyes riveted to what he could see of his shoulder as still tender flesh parted under her hands. When she finally stopped and he sagged against the edge of the tub a salty taste in his mouth caught his attention. He looked down to realize he had bitten clean through his skin.


	5. Continuance: The First Omens of Faith

The walk back up the stairs and to the bedroom had been nearly as bad as the walk down. He had never been so happy in his life to lie down in a bed. He could feel gentle caresses as someone unwrapped the towel from around his body. He relaxed further as a sheet was spread over his still warm skin. A hand on his forehead caused his eyes to flicker open. He smiled up at his brother's expressionless face.

The door slowly opening caught his attention and he squinted, trying to see past the sheets. The warm smell of broth and freshly baked bread caused his stomach to grumble loudly, earning a chuckle from Al. Winry crossed the room and placed the tray on the nightstand beside the bed. He whined when she slapped the hand he put out reaching for the rolls. He grimaced as Al sat him up against the headboard, Winry fussing with the pillows behind him until he was propped up how she wanted.

Winry sat close to him on the bed, spoon in hand and ready to feed him. Al, giving up his spot by his brother without a word headed towards the door. He shot a look at Winry and pointed with his chin. Winry smiled, understanding and grabbed Al's hand before he could make it out of her reach. Gently shaking her head she tugged on the gauntlet and pointed to the floor beside her dangling feet. He smiled encouragingly when Al shot him a questioning glance and the smile turned into a grin as Al and Winry quickly launched into silly conversation. He managed to choke down all of his broth and an entire roll before he lay back against the pillows, stuffed. He drifted as their laughter washed over him, driving away the aches and stings of his body.


End file.
